“Grandma” wants to come and live with me in Ottawa

“Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need.”

1 Timothy 5:3 (NIV)

In Mexico, there is very financial help for the elderly. Older people who have a birth certificate get about $20 a month. Unfortunately, many older people never were registered with the government. Therefore, they are considered non-existent and receive no help. In my years as a missionary, many are the times, I have encountered some of those neglected older people, especially women.  Sometimes, they show up at the feeding stations hungry and tired. The feeding program is for children, nevertheless it is absolutely not acceptable to turn these ladies away. We give them a plate of food and something to drink. They are always grateful especially when we collect their empty plate and place a few cookies in their hands.

Many of these women offer to help in the kitchen knowing that we will them give something to eat before they go back home. Their degree of cleanliness is not always conducive to let them near the food. But, we always need volunteers to wash dishes. We never had one of these ladies refuse to do just that. In Mariano Matamoros, we had one of those ladies. Her name was so difficult to pronounce, I simply called her “Grandma”. She refused to tell me her age, just that she was over 75 years old. She was about 5 ft tall and very skinny. Her bathing habits were non-existent. But, she had a smile that stole your heart and a hug that was strong and sincere.

In 2014, during our Vacation Bible Program, Grandma brought two of her grandchildren to the program. She volunteered to do dishes. Because she was too short to reach the bottom of the sink, we had to install a wood step in front of the sink. It was in August and very hot, but all week Grandma washed dishes for the duration of the program. She really was happy to be helpful.

After VBS ended, I bought some Chinese food just for the workers. I wanted them to know how much they were appreciated. I had a gift bag with shampoo, soap, deodorant, toothpaste & toothbrush and new socks for everyone. Each lady got an envelope with some monies sponsored by TLCCM. I had an envelope for Grandma. She arrived late for lunch. She was wearing a wrinkled blue dress. I went to meet her and as I hugged I realized that she was trying to look good without first taking the time to bathe.  I gave her a plate of Chinese food and we continued with our meal.

When I gave out the envelopes she looked at everyone and smiled. When I called out her name, she was not sure what to do. The other ladies told her to come up front to see me.  I gave her the bag of blessings and gave her an envelope which contained $20.00. I filled a take-out container of Chinese food and I gave it to her with a hug. Then she left. She stayed around for a while, but I guess she was wondering what was in the envelope. 

After that day, I became her best friend. She invited us to her shack. It was up the mountain where no cars could go. She had “cleaned” out the outside of her shack. An old dirty couch was the only place to sit.  Construction blocks and an old rusty wire rack was the “stove” where she cooked her food. Water came out of a hose that was hooked up to her daughter’s house in a row of shacks below her’s. Inside, she had one room with and old bed and old sofa. The rest of the room were items or better yet garbage she had picked up hoping to use them or sell them for a few pesos.

One of TLCCM sponsors bought a small two-cylinder propane stove for Grandma. We also made certain that she received some groceries. Meanwhile, I came back to Ottawa, but Grandma did not forget about me. She would ask the leaders if they knew when I was coming back. The next time I was at the church, she was there with her two grandchildren.  She asked to talk to me. I was busy with the kids, so I told her that I would talk to her once all the children had received their blessings. Wearing dirty clothes, her hair not having been washed in a while and without any kind of deodorant she looked very pitiful. But, she sat on a bench and patiently waited for me.  Once, I was finished with the kids, I went over to talk to her. She had made up a plan for her life and she wanted to share it with me. She said: Hermana Denise, you have been so good to me and I love you very much. Now, you know where I live and that I have nothing. I’m an old woman and I need someone to take care of me.  So, I was thinking that when you go back to Canada, you could take me with you and you could look after me. This way, I would not have to worry about what to eat or where to sleep.”  Her little 8 years old granddaughter was standing with her and she said: “Hermana, I also want to go live with you in Canada.”

I was completely astounded by these statements. Obviously both Grandma and the little girl had been making plans for their future. My heart was broken to see the desperation in their faces. They wanted a better life. I could very well understand why they wanted to end that life of hunger and poverty. I took a few long breaths and silently told the Lord He had to give me the right words to explain to them that I could not take them to Ottawa with me. Not counting that neither had any birth certificates to even obtain a passport, but I simply could not take them with me. I simply could not take on that responsibility.

I do not recall exactly what explanation I gave them. I know it was the Lord that took over the conversation because I was absolutely without words…….I am not one that usually is without words.

In the end, they said:“Thank you hermana, we understand. 

We know that if you could you would.”

I sat with them for a while inquiring about different little details as not to send them home without showing them love and compassion.

Afterwards, Grandma continued to come to church for almost one year. Then she stopped coming. I sent some workers up the hill to see if she was safe. But, they found the shack empty and boarded up. One neighbor said that one of her daughters had come for her and the little girl. They were now living with her in another part of Tijuana.

Nobody ever saw Grandma again. I often think of her. An older woman facing her future in a shack, wearing filthy clothing and many days having nothing to eat. Each time I think of Grandma, I thank God that I am facing such a different future. I have a beautiful home with a nice bathroom with hot water. I have nice clothes and a good car. I always have food in my fridge. I am so grateful for everything I do have. I will always remember never to abandon the poor and the needy. As long as I have my health and the calling of God on my life, I will look out for other grandmas who are in need.

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, 

A hug from grandma

for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”

Grandma's room

 Hebrews 13:16 (NIV)