“Don’t let your hearts be troubled.
Believe in God, believe also in me.”
(John
14:1)
If
you’d asked me at the age of six what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d have
answered, “A teacher!” Once I hit my
teens, my answer changed, though. The allure of instructing others wore off,
replaced by a desire to work in the entertainment industry. I felt “called” to
be a television producer and pursued this goal all the way through grad school.
But something happened as I worked toward a master’s degree that I didn’t
anticipate. I met and married my husband, Ted. Not long after, in the midst of
writing my graduate prospectus, two faint pink lines appeared on a pregnancy
test. Suddenly, my dream wasn’t so easy. If my studies and student film set
experience had taught me anything, it was this: my career aspirations – if
achieved – would require long days and maybe even regular travel. I found
myself questioning how I would personally balance that along with caring for my
growing family. It was then that I sensed God
calling me to lay down my dream. The one I’d worked hard toward for years. I went on to grieve that loss for years.
3 Ways to Grieve the Loss of Your
Dream
Maybe
you’re currently grieving the loss of your own dream. Yet perhaps it isn’t
career related, as it was for me. Instead, maybe marriage or
becoming a mother hasn’t happened for you as you’d hoped it would. It’s
possible that you’re in a season of prolonged singleness when you long to be
married or you’ve recently walked through a divorce. Maybe you face the
heartbreaking pain of infertility. As a result, you are well acquainted with
the words in Proverbs 13:12 about
how “hope deferred makes the heart
sick.” What are some ways you and I can grieve the loss of our
individual dreams, especially when the pain and disappointment hurt so deeply?
Here are three suggestions.
1. Freely Acknowledge Your Loss:
When
it came to the loss of my dream, I was afraid to openly grieve it. My life was
full and I feared that I’d be judged for the sorrow I felt. I worried that
others would correct me for mourning it. It’s possible you feel the same. Mark
Twain once wrote, “Nothing that grieves
us can be called little.” While undesired singleness, divorce, infertility,
and career disappointment are anything
but small, there may be people who dismiss your pain. Perhaps they offer you
uncomforting platitudes such as “Look at how full your life is without that,”
“God works everything out for good,” or “Count your
blessings.” Your heart can’t bear to hear that one more time, so you keep your
loss quiet. You mourn it silently.
I’m
here to say, your loss is not little and
it is worth
mourning. Go ahead and grieve it fully and freely. This may mean
journaling, confiding in a trusted friend, joining a support group, or seeking
the wisdom of a counselor.
2. Grieve Your Loss with Hope
I
believe that God is the Author of my life’s story. Yet it’s much easier to
believe that the story He’s writing for me is good when He says “yes” to my dreams. It’s harder when He
either asks me to surrender them or
decides not to fulfill them in my timing
and my way. It’s in these hard
chapters of life that hope can seem non-existent. I can quickly feel like my
entire story is one of despair and pointlessness. It could be you’ve felt or
even currently feel the same way. However, if you and I determine to believe that God is attentive and active in our lives,
we can be reminded that our stories are always
penned with hope. What is this hope? It’s
that even in the darkest of moments, God promises to walk through the pain and
grief with us. No matter how hard life gets, we are never alone. We can feed
ourselves hope by reading God’s Word, listening to music that speaks of His
goodness and faithfulness, and surrounding ourselves with others who point us
to Him.
3. See the Beauty in Your Individual
Story
Just
because God asked me to give up a certain dream, doesn’t mean He’ll ask the
same of my girls, or someone else I know. In fact, I deeply respect other women
who are able to beautifully balance family and pursuing their dreams.
Sometimes, though, I can find myself comparing and feeling jealous that my
story isn’t like theirs. Maybe you can relate? How can you and I see the beauty
in our individual stories even when they’re not what we wanted? When the
pain is sometimes too much to bear? One way is to reach out to others
around us who says: “How can I walk through this with you?”
Prayer:
Lord, I confess I am grieving
the loss of the dream I held so dear. Yet Lord, I know You are good. Your ways
are perfect. Your plan for me is perfect. Please help me remember that Your
thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways. (Isaiah 55:8) I trust that You will comfort
me as I mourn the loss of this dream. Lord, I declare that through loss, my
faith will grow and that You will use this loss to help me grow closer to You. In Jesus’s name I pray.
This devotional
was taken in part from When You Grieve the Loss of a Dream by Ashleigh Slater. Thank
you Lord for this encouraging article written by a lady who did not just talk
about this subject, she has lived through it. I pray it will bless every
reader as it blessed me.
Denise
